Should Secrets Stay Secret?!

Secrets.....everybody has them.....just noone talks about them, that's why they are secret!!!!!
Being a scorpio we are naturally secretive.....and great at keeping other peoples secrets, so feel free to divulge :D throw me some?!
I'm pretty secretive, I keep a lot to myself, my mother taught me this is the best way so I have always carried a little (or perhaps rather big now) cubby hole in my brain for storage.....
Although often when writing songs, my secrets get exposed without my control, the next thing I know they are out in the open, I'm singing them to big audiences.....but are they really listening?! Is the message clear?!? I hope so because songwriting is my biggest outlet and I get to let it all out with out freaking out that I have let it all out, does that make sense?! Offering my deepest darkest secrets to the world, well, eventually when my music meets the masses.....And I've got a big secret, never to have been exposed, (hmmmmm perhaps it is out there in song) that I've resently told someone..... I really thought letting it out, saying it allowed, admitting it to myself as well as them would make me feel amazing. I mean, it is a big step, a leap if you will and one that took me a looooong time to master.....
Yet after all that, I am not sure I feel better, I almost regret letting it out. Speaking it, made it all the more real..... When it was my little secret, it could be ignored, denied, brushed under the carpet, locked away in my cubby hole, yet now it is out there, it has been released!!!!! Its real its come alive and I'm scared, I should have kept it under wraps,,,,,
Now I have no choice but to tackle it, the time is now, am I ready?! I don't have a choice really!!!!!
Its time to become like my dear friend Sebastian Horsley 'he had so many secret, none of them secret' set the secrets free, lifes to short to run and hide, embrace, rejoice and be true, be you..... Be free

I'm not going to change.....

2011 was the most dramatic year of my life.....I am not going to be ungrateful.....many AMAZING things happened but also many traumatic.....I won't go into detail and play my violin, but it was a whirlwind, I feel like I went through a lifetime of experiences in one year.....it was indeed a rollercoaster and it truly effected me and made me change my outlook of life.....this was wrong.....I have only just discovered.....
I came into 2012 angry.....so much anger of what I had been through was bursting out of me.....I was angry at everyone, even my loved ones, I was angry at the world!!!!!
I felt, I have been a happy, lovely person my whole life, trying my hardest to never upset a soul.....yet still all these terrible things were happening to me.....I felt people were taking advantage of my goodness.....So I began to think maybe I should stop being so nice, if no one else is making an effort to be kind, why should I?!
After tonight, I now know to change myself would be not only wrong but foolish.....It would be me giving in.....by becoming one of them, not only would this not be true to myself, it would be giving in......
If you are looking for true happiness, be kind to others and picture in your mind exactly what you are looking for, and eventually you will get it, happiness will come.....
And in turn others will see how amazingly happy you have become just by being kind and true to yourself and they will follow and eventually, I hope, we can make this world a better place, a more liveable world, full of happiness and joy.....not full of pain and anger.....
Lets all try, shall we?????

Dry your eyes mate.....

Blogging.....that's a interesting one isn't it?!?!? See I love a good tweet, thoroughly enjoy telling the world how I'm feeling, what's on my mind and what I'm up to :D but a blog?! A full on essay about me?! And my life?!? :O see that freaks the f*ck out of me.....but a fear is no longer a fear once you face it!!!!! So here I go.....a blog, about me and my life!!!!! Argh!!!!!


The last time I wrote a blog I had just fallen off a twelve foot trapeze, had got myself a third bum cheek and was bed ridden, so had plenty of time and plenty to talk about but now I'm gonna throw myself in the deep end *splash*


I Hate to begin negatively, but I currently have tears streaming down my face.....do you ever get that????? A complete random explosion of salty water down your face and you don't really know why?! Well I am having that right this minute..... I am trying my utmost to pinpoint why I am crying, but I can't, perhaps sometimes you just have to feel your feelings rather than analyse them?! Really feel the emotion and something truly magical happens, try it?! Just let yourself go.....really feel your feelings.....clear your mind.....


So I'm feeling my feelings and my tears have stopped.....I'm all dried out.....

Still haven't come to any conclusion on what caused the tears, but the greatest thing I did was truly feel the emotion and give myself time, just a moment to be completely absorbed in my tears and now they've gone.....they may be back in an hour.....but right now, I feel clear.....I've dried my eyes mate.....