DON'T THINK JUST DO!!!!!

You need to trust that everything happens for a reason.....

I've been driving myself crazy lately analysing everything in my life.....contemplating whether it all needs to change!!!!! I've felt itchy for something more, something new, something fresh!!!!!
But what am I searching for?! And when I get it will I be content and happy?!? Who knows.....thats why I need to shut my brain up and just live my life and see what happens!!!!! New mantra.....Don't Think Just Do!!!!! Because as soon as you start analysing your life nothings seems or feels right, you don't need to rush into decisions, life will guide you and show you the way.
In the past I been indecisive and felt all confused about something in my life, then suddenly I know the answer!!!!! If you don't know, don't act because when it is right, you'll know!!!!!
Life has this magical way of guiding you and even if you take a wrong turn you need to trust that this wrong turn was a necessary path to get you onto the right one.....

You need to enjoy the journey because when you get to where you wanna be.....will you truly be happy?! Who knows?!? You gotta enjoy the process, live and love your life.....Because you only get one life, but if you live it right.....ones enough :D

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE.....DODO.....DODO DODO DODO :D

Last week I felt my whole world crashing down in front of my very eyes.....it was the scariest thing I had ever witnessed, and I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it, or even soften the blow.....I just had to watch it fall, but I knew I couldn't fall with it, I would just have to jump, or even leap over it!!!!! And I did.....

I'm not gonna lie to you all, I am not going to preach.....
It wasn't easy, I had truly had enough, I couldn't eat (and I love my food), I couldn't sleep (even though I was exhausted) I felt suicidal, I just felt 'what is the point?!' And now I am sitting here and laughing at what I was feeling.....how could I stop believing?! How could I let life defeat me?! Because now life is better than ever.....the drama hasn't diminished and I am still cleaning up the rubble but my outlook has changed and I can see everything that matters and even better I can see how strong I have become, by overcoming what I did and carrying on, not wallowing, not self indulging, just continuing with life and guess what?! Life picked up :D Life got better.....
Please people, next time you get angry with life, next time you feel suicidal, next time you think 'seriously what more can go wrong?!' Just sit, breathe and reboot.....and remember things can only get better.....when there is a huge down in life, there is always a huge up!!!!!
Life is shit, life is hard, life is a struggle but it is not that bad, life can surprise you, by picking up when you've lost all hope, life can reward you from your past suffering, if you only give it a chance. When life is sooooo bad that you can't even see the light, you've hit rock bottom, things can't get any worse, so guess what?! They can only get better.
So next time you life comes crashing down.....stand on top of the rubble and look up and get excited about the good that is coming next :D

You are never too trapped to break free.....

Do you ever feel trapped in the world you've created?! Trapped in a space suit, stuck in you're life. You don't particularly hate your life, but you feel something isn't quite right, isn't quite the way you'd hope. It hasn't turned out the way you planned?! But your scared to change your life, in fear of losing what you have created, even though your not completely satisfied with your creation. Yet the fear of being left with nothing stops you from striving for exactly what you want as you don't one hundred percent believe in yourself. You doubt yourself, are you actually capable of getting what you want?! Or is it that you're frightened when you eventually get what you want, you didn't really want it after all?!

Do we all suffer from chronic dissatisfaction?! Are we always searching for something more?!? Something else?! Will we ever be satisfied?!? Whats the point in trying then?!?!? Whether there is a point or not, All I know is, for as long as I am on this earth, I will strive for exactly what I want (even if when I get it I won't want it anymore) because 'If you  try sometime, you just might find, you get what you neeeeed' :D

How do you find what you need, when you don't know what you're looking for?!

Isn't it funny how one day you can't stop smiling, enjoying every second of the day, realising that its the small things in life that matters and happiness is all in the power of the mind.....
And then the next day you feel all uneasy and you question everything in your life, all decisions, all choices, everything that exists in your life right now. You start looking at the past and thinking 'what if?!'
I had one of those days yesterday....

I couldn't stop crying.....thinking about the past, did I do the right thing?! Thinking about the present, am I happy?! Thinking about the future, where am I going?!
I guess it was just one of those days and sometimes you can't help having them, but does all this analysing really help. Do you really need to think so much about life and your choices or is life just there to be lived?!
Why am I questioning my decisions and analysing the past when everything happens for a reason?! Perhaps that reason is for me to learn from this past, we don't want history to repeat itself, or do we?! Is there some things that left your life that you wished didn't?! We have to trust that they needed to leave your life to make space for something new and exciting.
So sometimes looking at the past can help, as you can see a pattern forming. "I learnt from that relationship exactly what I don't want" "I realise that that job turned me into a person I don't want to be" "Those friends were not good for me and made me make bad choices" Learn from it and move on.
Is anything in your life ever "too perfect" that you begin to question it?! Will it last?!? Sometimes its so perfect you start to create the drama, why are we never satisfied?! We assume things are too good to be true, we obsess so much about losing this perfection that often we do. We have something so good, that we are frightened to lose, so frightened that we induldge in the concept of loss so much, that we lose it eventually. Rather than appreciating what we have when we have it!!!!! Then we live in regret.

Our cynicism can destroy our lives. If you constantly think negatively about everything in your life, everything will become negative. If you think 'love doesn't exist' it never will for you!!!!! Just like, people who believe in ghosts see them and people who don't never do. If you believe you will achieve. If you deceive you will retrieve.
As long as we keep learning from the past and our mistakes (even though these mistakes may be essential) then we can't dwell on the past and think 'what if' as the past has paved your way.
I often wonder if I suffer from 'chronic dissatisfaction' whatever I achieve, whatever I get will I ever be  truly satisfied, are we meant to be content?! Or is this just an onward journey that just keeps going and keeps growing?!
Sorry this blog is a little confused, I guess I am still a little confused myself, I am having all sorts of crazy thoughts and crazy risks I am thinking of taking, but could this pave a lifetime of regret?! Oh, my analytical mood isn't helping me, I guess I need to take my own advice 'Stop thinking about life and just live it'

Give Yourself Time.....To Clear Your Mind.....

My mind has been in overdrive this weekend.....
Firstly, I've felt ridiculously nostalgic, looking at old photos and evaluating all my past decisions. Secondly, looking at my present, is this want I want?! Am I so busy that I am not actually getting anywhere?! Am I making the right choices?!? Am I wasting time?! And thirdly, looking at my future, what do I want?! How am I going to get there?!? Planning trips and being active in what I need to do.
Looking at my past present and future has been amazingly therapeutic and so enlightening and I finally feel like I am beginning to understand!!!!! What I am understanding I am not too sure?! But I definitely feel like my mind has opened and I am aware of my actions.....letting me see what I need to do to get where I need and want to be.....

I know it is all about the power of now but to live the life that you deserve, you need to learn from the past to change your future. Only you can change you. I'm not saying we all need to change ourselves, but no one is perfect, we all make mistakes and we need to learn from our mistakes, in order to break the pattern and the circle of life.

Sometimes life can run away from us when we are so busy constantly doing things, rushing from one thing to the next that we eventually see that we are not actually getting anywhere. No progression is being made. Sometimes we need to take time out, to look at what we've done, think about what we are doing and realise what we want!!!!! We don't want to wake up one day and feel like we are stuck in a rut..... Try to catch it before that hole is dug.

I gave myself just half a day (I recommend more time) to think about what I want and analyze what I am doing and I already feel so much better (all be it a little confused still) but I've made plans, opened my mind and realised my potential. Rather than being soaked up in doing everything that is so accessible to me, I have broadened my horizons, made my world bigger (whilst realising its a small world) and decided to go to where I've always wanted and aim to achieve what I've always dreamed of, I know I can't live in wonder.....can you?!?!?

Be Grateful not Hateful.....

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”




I've been going through a lot of changes lately.....not just in life but in my mind.....
My outlook on life and what matters has become much much clearer and in turn I have become much much happier :D
I recently found myself in turmoil, crying yet not knowing really why and inside I was in absolute agony, unable to enjoy and appreciate everything I have around me and everything I have achieved. So I took some time out. Just four days, but these four days have made all the difference. I spent these four days with my mummy, the most amazing woman in the world.....who understands exactly what life is about and because of this, she is the most confident, happy and content woman I know, I've always admired this but never thought I could achieve it, but I think and hope I am on my way.....
During these four days, I wrote many songs that healed me a great deal but the main thing that really helped was......
My mother told me to write down all the things that make me happy.....I began with the obvious things: my loved ones, my animals, music, performing, laughing, nutella :D......and then I felt my pen take over and I was filling pages and pages with numerous things that made me happy, and just by writing them I felt happier and now every time I read them I feel happy. I add to the list whenever I think of something else that makes me happy. Try everyone, write your list.....
Then mothers next advice was to write down all these things, people and experiences I am grateful for.....Now this list was very therapeutic because I found people that wronged me or experiences that ended badly still made it on the list.....because I was still overwhelmingly grateful for all the good they had given me. It pains me that so many people these days are ungrateful and bitter and don't see or realise the good that people do for and around them, they are too wrapped up in their own world and their own greed...... So please everyone write a list of everything you are grateful for. The most amazing thing about this list is you will see a pattern forming and you will see how everything happens for a reason as one experience or one individual leads to another person or thing you are grateful for. The more grateful you are, the more good things and people will continue to come into your life, bringing you more things to be grateful for :D So your list will continue to grow.....
Last week was a wonderful week, I healed myself and I had amazing experiences. In which, I found myself smiling all week. Then last night, I found myself sobbing.....but this was an entirely new experiences because as I cried (frantically crying and shaking and hyperventilating) I found myself smiling, my cheek muscles were aching from stretching upwards and I realised I was crying because I was so grateful. I was overwhelmed. I began speaking aloud everything I was grateful for and these happy tears just kept on flowing.
I now feel so ridiculously happy.....before I was so obsessed with becoming successful and proving the non believers wrong, that my determination and impatience was killing me from the inside out.

However now, even though there is still so much more I wish to achieve in life and I am still painfully determined. I now know that this journey to making my dreams come true is going to be a happy one :D

Only you can heal yourself.....

I feel like everyones hunting for someone or something to make them feel better..... Then this someone or something doesn't make them feel better so they move on in search of someone or something else.....
this pattern can continue for years, it can continue your whole life.....until you realise only YOU can make  YOU better and only YOU can make YOU happy.....
Stop searching all around and look inside yourself.....happiness is all in the mind and you can choose to me happy.....
Do you ever wake up grumpy and you have no idea why?! Well next time that happens force yourself to smile.....the very act of smiling actually makes you feel better.....however fake it feels at first.....eventually you'll feel happier.....
Do things that make you happy :D have a little dance in the rain, do some artwork, eat an iced bun, talk to your animals, look at funny old photos, go to the theatre, have a massage.....treat yourself and smile :D
Whatever terrible things that happen in your life or turmoil your going through.....dwelling, wallowing or feeling sorry for yourself will only bring you more bad in your life.....life can only get better if you are positive and you believe.....don't get upset or worry about things you can't change.....worry is a pointless emotion, it is like holding up an umbrella waiting for it to rain.....don't put it in the universe.....
Enjoy the good things in life, appreciate the beauty all around you.....the trees, the birds, the raindrops on the flowers, the smiling old man on the train, or the heart shaped crisp you found in your packet!!!!! Its the little things in life that make all the difference and can make your day :D So many people walk around with their eyes closed, on autopilot, unaware of the beauty and opportunity that surrounds them.....

So open your eyes, see how beautiful the world is, smile and be happy :D

The power of NOW :D

So many of us let our past rule our future.....
I know I have.....we become angry at those who hurt us yet if we just let it go and forgive we can build for a better future and learn from it. Yet if we continue to be angry, they are continuing to hurt us and damaging our future.....
I have been in a lot of pain in the last few months, being angry at the way I have been treated and I've let it effect my present by living and wallowing in this previous torment.....yet I've now realised that if I keep dwelling, I'll bring more pain, hurt and anger into my life and certainly won't make for a better future!!!!! So those who have hurt me, I forgive you, I almost understand (certainly don't condone it but I understand) why you did what you did and I've accepted and moved on..... People hurt you because they are hurting themselves, so don't be angry at them, hope for them to find true happiness and learn from the damage they have done.

Everything happens for a reason in which case we mustn't let anything upset us.
Every battle we face makes us stronger and changes us in a way that's meant to be!!!!!
Now that I am slowly but surely releasing this anger and heartache, I can feel myself becoming happier than I have ever been!!!!! :D
You have to live in the now, the present is the only thing you can control and if you enjoy every moment then there is no doubt you will have an amazing life.

I was in such a bad place that I found myself unable to appreciate what I actually have!!!!! I was dwelling on how I was mistreated and what I hadn't yet achieved!!!!! I was feeling sorry for myself, when I should be smiling at the fact that I am no longer being treated this way and I have achieved a lot so far and if I keep working hard and believing I can achieve everything I want and more!!!!!
The key is to forgive everyone that has hurt you.....no matter how badly they treated you.....you don't even need to ring them up or go and see them and say 'I forgive you even though you are pure evil!!!!!' Haha just deep inside forgive them and let it go!!!!! Otherwise the anger and the pain you are feeling, will eat you up, make you ill and stunt your progress to a better life.
Learn from the pain they caused you and promise yourself that you will never treat anyone that way.....

In primary school I was taught 'love others as you love yourself, treat others the way you wish to be treated' and this is so true and has continued to be my motto!!!!!
You will find true happiness if you are good to others, as every good deed you do, will eventually be rewarded!!!!! So don't get road rage, let that driver pull in front of you..... Don't get angry in a shop when the shop assistant if really slow, 'don't worry love I am not in a hurry', smile at strangers, help the girl struggling with her giant suitcase up all the stairs at the tube station (me on saturday :D) don't huff behind her because she is taking too long and give money to buskers, the homeless and buy the big issue!!!!!
Trust me, you'll get your good karma!!!!!
You will find true happiness :D just remember, it comes from within.....

Should Secrets Stay Secret?!

Secrets.....everybody has them.....just noone talks about them, that's why they are secret!!!!!
Being a scorpio we are naturally secretive.....and great at keeping other peoples secrets, so feel free to divulge :D throw me some?!
I'm pretty secretive, I keep a lot to myself, my mother taught me this is the best way so I have always carried a little (or perhaps rather big now) cubby hole in my brain for storage.....
Although often when writing songs, my secrets get exposed without my control, the next thing I know they are out in the open, I'm singing them to big audiences.....but are they really listening?! Is the message clear?!? I hope so because songwriting is my biggest outlet and I get to let it all out with out freaking out that I have let it all out, does that make sense?! Offering my deepest darkest secrets to the world, well, eventually when my music meets the masses.....And I've got a big secret, never to have been exposed, (hmmmmm perhaps it is out there in song) that I've resently told someone..... I really thought letting it out, saying it allowed, admitting it to myself as well as them would make me feel amazing. I mean, it is a big step, a leap if you will and one that took me a looooong time to master.....
Yet after all that, I am not sure I feel better, I almost regret letting it out. Speaking it, made it all the more real..... When it was my little secret, it could be ignored, denied, brushed under the carpet, locked away in my cubby hole, yet now it is out there, it has been released!!!!! Its real its come alive and I'm scared, I should have kept it under wraps,,,,,
Now I have no choice but to tackle it, the time is now, am I ready?! I don't have a choice really!!!!!
Its time to become like my dear friend Sebastian Horsley 'he had so many secret, none of them secret' set the secrets free, lifes to short to run and hide, embrace, rejoice and be true, be you..... Be free

I'm not going to change.....

2011 was the most dramatic year of my life.....I am not going to be ungrateful.....many AMAZING things happened but also many traumatic.....I won't go into detail and play my violin, but it was a whirlwind, I feel like I went through a lifetime of experiences in one year.....it was indeed a rollercoaster and it truly effected me and made me change my outlook of life.....this was wrong.....I have only just discovered.....
I came into 2012 angry.....so much anger of what I had been through was bursting out of me.....I was angry at everyone, even my loved ones, I was angry at the world!!!!!
I felt, I have been a happy, lovely person my whole life, trying my hardest to never upset a soul.....yet still all these terrible things were happening to me.....I felt people were taking advantage of my goodness.....So I began to think maybe I should stop being so nice, if no one else is making an effort to be kind, why should I?!
After tonight, I now know to change myself would be not only wrong but foolish.....It would be me giving in.....by becoming one of them, not only would this not be true to myself, it would be giving in......
If you are looking for true happiness, be kind to others and picture in your mind exactly what you are looking for, and eventually you will get it, happiness will come.....
And in turn others will see how amazingly happy you have become just by being kind and true to yourself and they will follow and eventually, I hope, we can make this world a better place, a more liveable world, full of happiness and joy.....not full of pain and anger.....
Lets all try, shall we?????

Dry your eyes mate.....

Blogging.....that's a interesting one isn't it?!?!? See I love a good tweet, thoroughly enjoy telling the world how I'm feeling, what's on my mind and what I'm up to :D but a blog?! A full on essay about me?! And my life?!? :O see that freaks the f*ck out of me.....but a fear is no longer a fear once you face it!!!!! So here I go.....a blog, about me and my life!!!!! Argh!!!!!


The last time I wrote a blog I had just fallen off a twelve foot trapeze, had got myself a third bum cheek and was bed ridden, so had plenty of time and plenty to talk about but now I'm gonna throw myself in the deep end *splash*


I Hate to begin negatively, but I currently have tears streaming down my face.....do you ever get that????? A complete random explosion of salty water down your face and you don't really know why?! Well I am having that right this minute..... I am trying my utmost to pinpoint why I am crying, but I can't, perhaps sometimes you just have to feel your feelings rather than analyse them?! Really feel the emotion and something truly magical happens, try it?! Just let yourself go.....really feel your feelings.....clear your mind.....


So I'm feeling my feelings and my tears have stopped.....I'm all dried out.....

Still haven't come to any conclusion on what caused the tears, but the greatest thing I did was truly feel the emotion and give myself time, just a moment to be completely absorbed in my tears and now they've gone.....they may be back in an hour.....but right now, I feel clear.....I've dried my eyes mate.....